Miscellany

Staying warm and avoiding Memory Lane.

Faded

There is still a lot of color remaining in the leaves. It seems as though they are hanging on longer than usual, but that's probably just my poor memory. Not important. What came before doesn't really matter. Why compare one year to the last?

Failure

In my usual style of overreaction, I had vowed yesterday to take a break from posting photos... for a couple of weeks.I had no intention of not taking pictures, just not putting them online. The thinking was that if I wasn't concerned with what I was going to publish, I would take more risks with my photography. I think that is a good idea - in principle.

Long story short - I lasted one day. I took some interesting photos during my twenty-four hour sabbatical. ( I have to laugh at myself sometimes) I chose to shoot 'bases". The places where objects rest. It was a good exercise... got me away from the leaves. Here is one that I especially  liked:

Now, about that red leaf redux... I found out that it is a Scarlett Oak leaf and I may just shoot it every year until I die.

So, I failed at keeping my photos to myself but I will try to be more creative with my subject matter.

Five Year Old Leaf

I really am in a creative rut. I took these two photos five years apart:

Aggghhhhhh!!!!

As I've said before, I often go back to my photo galleries from a year, two, five years ago to see what I was shooting at that time. Not only did I shoot these on nearly the same day in November, but I also took photos of the cats for Christmas cards. AND photos of my leaf-covered driveway.... Sigh... I have some serious work to do.

Leaving Autumn

I was surprised to see how long it's been since I posted anything here.

Not much to share, nothing to say?

Life moves; inching forward and

leaping at the same time.

Days and nights come and go and before we've adjusted to the light,

another year has gone. Survival. Survival depends on not scrutinizing the 

details of life too closely. Don't

pull at that thread; don't stop too long; don't

linger with the memories. They will blur your view until you

are stuck. Unable to move, while everything, everything else moves on.

The Journey of Thursday Morning

"Goodbye, My Love"

Thursday morning began around three a.m. when Sofia decided it was time for me to be awake. She walked across my head. She poked at me gently with her big, fluffy paw. She rubbed her chin on the under side of the bed... which doesn't sound irritating, but the sound seems to reverberate through the bed like nails on a blackboard. I refused to get out of bed until the usual five a.m. feeding time but there was little sleep being had for those two hours.

Later, at my desk, I decided to begin thinking about my 2014 calendar. I looked back at previous years for inspiration and perhaps re-using a few images. I came across the image above and fell for it all over again. That happens quite a lot... I have so many photos that I forget that I was as in love with a photo in 2006 as I am with some more recent images. 

At first, I thought that I had titled this "Last Dance", but when I found it on Pbase the title was "Goodbye, My Love". It seemed fitting for today as my uncle's funeral is this afternoon, in upstate New York.

Here is a photo of my aunt and uncle, taken when they were first married. 

UPDATE:

Jolted back to the present by spotting a coyote standing in my driveway.

Yesterday

I worked my way out of my funk. I reminded myself of all that I am grateful for; mostly my health.

But sadness isn't a choice. "Why are you sad?" I don't know.

"What would make you un-sad?" I don't know that either.

Recently, someone told me I was too sensitive. Their exact words: "You're too fkin sensitive"

I suppose I am guilty. But I think that is the artist in me. 

I would not (could not) choose to be insensitive. Or even less so. 

Do I sometimes fret over small things? Things that I cannot control?

Yes. And that, I must try to change.

There was sad news yesterday, though. One of my uncles passed away.  2013 has been full of sadness.

The Bluest Skies

Tell me a story...

Of blue skies and blue hearts.

Tell me how I can be sad when the day is so fine.

Tell me that tomorrow is another day,

and things can change overnight.

Then I will dream. I will dream.

Sunny Days

More sunshine & colored glass. I waited too late in the day to get the long shadow of yesterday's rooster, but I think that including more of the glass works too. I like the curves, colors, and the negative space. 

Sunny Days

Making good on my promise from the rainy days of August... it's sunny and so I made shadows. Or rather, this glass rooster did. 

I wish I could say I feel as sparkly, but I'm feeling blue. So, lacking inspiration and smiles, I may rely on the abundant sunshine for a few more days for photo ops.

What lies beneath

"Baby"

Beneath Baby is a long ago project that did not survive weather and forest. Many (many!) years ago, I put a mosaic design on this bench. It was simple flowers done in square tiles - readily available in a variety colors... but I chose a limited palette. I don't know if I failed to seal it properly or if I didn't use 'outdoor' grout, but over the years, the tiles began coming loose. Then, a tree fell on it and knocked most of the remaining tiles loose. I look at it often and I used to tell myself that I would repair it... replace the tiles (which are, thanks to the cats methinks) spread all over the back yard. 

More recently however, I think I'll just try to prevent any further deterioration. And it will be forever know as "Faye's Unfinished Mosaic". You know... like Gaudi, except I won't (hopefully) get run over by a bus. :)

the last two bites

As I was finishing my Monday morning breakfast, I noticed the shapes - curves, triangles and the tines of the fork. I think it works.

Spiderman/woman is back... more on that later.

Swept

I've spent the morning sweeping... deck, garage, cobwebs, hornet's nest. Although the hornet's nest was more 'poke a long stick at it and then run!' than sweep.

Sunny weather is very conducive to getting outdoors and getting stuff done.

Swirling

So many memories are swirling in my mind today. A photo fell out of a drawer; a photo from many years ago. My Dad and my sister were there... and they've been gone for so long. 

Then, I noticed a stick impaled into the front lawn by a thunderstorm and it reminded my of a little tradition my husband and I had when we were at the beach. We'd make a sun dial from beach stuff - shells, pieces of driftwood, etc.; to keep track of when we'd had enough sun.  I have a photo of one somewhere... found one taken in Hawaii:

The little things make good memories.

I got sunshine!

It's a good day. :)

Ain't no sunshine

I miss the sun. And shadows and reflections and warmth. I miss my mom terribly and the dreary weather is only making me more melancholy. I want sunshine. I need light. I'm trying to use watercolors and writing to buoy my spirits, but it isn't working. I need to take my camera into the sunshine and find shadow play to fill my lens. I can't photograph rain; not without sunlight. Puddles and wet leaves only go so far...

I need the sun.

Recognition

Toxic personalities. I've written on the subject before and yet I still allow these people into my life, to create negative places in my thoughts. I have tried to be a friend, to perhaps be a positive example to them. But it always seems to fail. Their toxic words invade my world instead. I really must work to change this about myself... learn to recognize these people and pass them by.

Saying Goodbye

Sweet Puppy Stella

On Saturday, August 10, 2013, we laid my mother to rest. Her wish was to be buried next to her parents, and that is where she rests now.

Although my mom was 91, she was not at all what you might think - not feeble, not restricted in movement, diet or mental capacity. She did sudoku puzzles as fast as she could get them. She and my sister had a great day... doing things they enjoyed. But during the night, she suffered a massive stroke. She passed away eleven days later, but she never regained consciousness. 

I miss her every minute. My world without my mom is going to be a sadder place, but I will continue to try and make her proud to be my mother.

The Black and White of it

When we're young, we see things as right or wrong, black or white, yes or no. We are apt to rail against what we see as unfair behavior. Hopefully, we don't lose the ability to see the differences, but as we go through life, we come to realize that there are circumstances, and everything is not so easily defined. We survive life's ordeals; events that we would never have thought survivable. 

We find ourselves trying to understand the place that brings some people to say and do things that we don't understand. The phrases "Walk a mile in his shoes" and "there, but for the grace of God, go I" soften our indignation somewhat. Not to make excuses for their transgressions, but to feel some empathy for them. 

We must always stand for right and defend those who cannot defend themselves, but we should also understand that every man has his breaking point.

Looking Out

It was a (long) weekend, filled with a wide range of emotions... joy at my nephew's wedding, then sorrow as I learned of the passing of an old friend and also one of my uncles. That's the way it is, especially at family gatherings. I was surprised that I felt quite alone at the reception. I should have expected those emotions, but I think that I never look far enough ahead to be prepared for the wave of sadness. But, it's over now. No more weddings? Haha... maybe.

An education

If "I am a student", what have I learned? Well... looking back at posts from four years ago, I have learned to close my heart. An open heart is vulnerable, it is ripe for wounding. Close it tight and let no one in - that's the safest course. Isn't it?

Sunny and Mild

I think it is finally safe to plant flowers without risking frost damage. Spring is so late this year. Last year at this time, the dogwoods, lilacs and azaleas had already bloomed; today, they're not even close. I'm afraid the lilacs might not bloom at all... the daffodils didn't. 

Whatever the reasons for the delay, it is time now. I plan a weekend of planting and sprucing up the garden. :)

Spring is THIS close...

Spring is so close I can almost taste it... and I am chomping at the bit to turn off the furnace and open the windows - at least until the summer heat arrives. But I won't dwell on summer right now. Now is the time for newness; renewal and starting anew. 

Hope springs eternal...

Reluctantly

It seems the rain is over for a few days, but the skies are still gray. Beau, against his better judgement, gave me a photo for the day. He tried to fight looking anywhere but down, but I was waving a stick and he had to look... eventually. Eyes in focus? Yep. That's a wrap!

No Birds

My latest project is cleaning out the 'studio', returning it to a guest bedroom. My 91 year old mom, though not at all fragile, is getting past the point of (safely) making her way up and down the stairs to the loft bedroom. The studio was filled with lights, a background stand, a still life table and too-numerous-to-count backgrounds & props (pedestals, etc.). 

So... things were separated into throw-away and keep. The throw-away part is easy, the keep is another story; where to store? In a closet? Fine, but something already in the closet must then go. I'm trying not to just relegate everything to the basement because once it's down there, it's down there for good. And forgotten. You know what I mean... six months from now I'll be asking myself what I did with such-and-such. I call it 'the dance of the stuff'.

I made a lot of progress on this mostly rainy day, but the sun is shining now and the outdoors is calling me. Oh by the way, the 'pedestals, etc' have been relocated in the garden, though their permanent spot is still undetermined.

Faeries

This little garden faerie needed some repair. The cats (outside) had knocked her off the retaining wall and her head broke off. I finally brought her inside today, to re-attach her head with some super-duper glue. This photo was taken pre-glue, and the crack is visible.

When I was young, I hated it when people would tell me that my name meant fairy or faerie... Fairy Faye. Ahhhh, kids...

That Heart Day

I made heart-shaped, whole wheat pancakes for my breakfast this morning... see how much better I'm doing with this day-that-is-meant-for-couples?

I walked into the grocery store yesterday and it was wall-to-wall with valentine everything - balloons, cakes, cookies, flowers... and I'll bet that it has all been sold by today. 

I never realized how many heart-shaped items I have in my house. Pot holders, jewelry, photo frames... I have a valentines Pez dispenser for crying out loud! And of course, a heart-shaped mold for pancakes. 

Love is all around.

Solo

"Heigh-ho, the derry-o,

The cheese stands alone."

Projects Galore

The first project today was to shoot the tulips. I love tulips... they're so graceful. I'm going to shoot these 'til they die and then I'm going to shoot them some more.

When it warmed a bit outside, I tackled one of my outdoor projects - raking the leaves away from the base of the fence. The lawn guys have always blown the leaves against the fence and the rotting leaves are going to rot the fence. So, I've begun getting the three-to-four inches of decaying leaves away from the fence. And I've notified the lawn service people to keep the area free of leaves.

Another outdoor project was to disassemble an old wooden swing and chair that had decayed (there's a lot of that going around) so badly that they were not usable as seating. Last week, I removed the support beams and hauled them to the curb; the city sanitation took them away. Yay! I had intended to take apart the swing seat (and the chair) too, but I've decided to move them back towards the tree line and leave them for the cats to lounge upon.

Now... back to work.

Update: 

The final project: for today: Photo coasters with maps of the places I've visited. Got the idea from Pinterest.

On the mend?

This is Tux, one of the feral cats that I feed and water twice daily. A few days ago, I noticed that he had some sort of injury to his right, back leg. I couldn't see any obvious injury and the leg didn't appear to be swollen. He has been eating and drinking every day... hobbling to the bowls on three legs (sometimes running). These cats won't let me get close enough to touch them, so helping him presents a dilemma. I could try to trap him, but the odds of getting him instead of six other ferals, three-or-more ferals that come around after my seven have finished eating and the raccoon and possums that I have inadvertently trapped in the past... is slim.

This morning, as he hobbled up the driveway, I noticed that he is tentatively putting his weight on the injured leg... so I am hopeful for his recovery.

Repairs

The latch on the door of the garden shed had rusted and fallen off, so I bought another at the hardware store and set out today to make the repair. There is nothing of value stored inside the shed... an old riding lawn mower that will never cut grass again and a few ladders, etc... but I wanted it locked nonetheless. 

I get satisfaction from fixing things, but I am not proficient at all. If a true craftsman looked over my work, I wouldn't get a passing grade. And I would ask said craftsman where he was when I needed him. But the door is now locked and I can put my power tools away until the next broken thing shows its face.

I didn't replace the entire latch because... well, it still works and a little rust is quite photogenic. :)

Now

Now is the time to put things back together in an entirely new way.

Let There Be Berries!

Finding tasty fruits and vegetables during the winter months is not easy and usually not easy on the wallet either. These look beautiful (I have sampled the blackberries - yummy!) and I hope they are as good as they look. Planning to serve these over a little bit of greek yogurt. :)

Power Tools

I spent a few hours today on outside chores. I at least made things around the yard and garage look neater and more organized. I couldn't find the right drill bit to do what I had in mind with this drill; I'll save that for another day.