Sunday, February 28, 2010

God Bless the Delete Key...

for it maketh our lives much less complicated.

DELETE. Did the word even exist before there were computers? You didn't delete a document from a file drawer, you threw it away. You didn't delete a letter, you tore it up and threw it in the trash.

I know it's not a modern word, although the virtual world has brought it to a new level. Erasure was a form of deletion... as in audio tapes and chalk boards. Remember White-Out? That was one way to delete a mistake.

But now... now we think the delete key will undo all our mistakes. We can delete unpleasant emails, comments, even people - from our lists of friends and contacts.Write or say anything, you can always delete it later.

Well, it's not that easy. Just because you can delete any reference to something that happened... it still happened. Just because you can delete a photo, doesn't mean that moment in time never took place. Good grief, if it was only that easy.

Thursday, February 25, 2010


I took Beau to the vet today. He weighs just shy of 15 lbs and wrangling him into the cat carrier and keeping him inside while I zip up the door is a challenge. If he gets away, he will find a hiding place in the house and I won't easily find him. So I always put the carrier into plain view a few days prior to his appointment, so he's not alerted by the sudden appearance of it. I trimmed his claws yesterday, just in case... Then on THE day, I have to keep him in view until it's time to capture him. My other cat, Sofia, is never more than a few feet away from me, but Beau's normal routine is to go off to different parts of the house to nap - morning, noon and night.

My plan succeeded and he's had his annual vaccinations. I'm exhausted.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Just smoke


Wow, wow, wow... I was able to see things so very clearly today. I dared to look behind the curtain and saw that what I had feared... where I thought I had failed - miserably - was just a shadow. And a sad one at that. And yes, this is connected to the 'brave step' that I wrote about yesterday. This dragon is not worthy of my fear, not worthy of my self-doubt.

Isn't it amazing how we can allow something to intimidate us and when we finally see the stark truth, when we clear away all of the misconceptions and projected importance, and we see the real story... it is as though a fog has lifted. And this would not have happened had I not found the courage to look.

Now I can move on.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Fire breathing

When the old mapmakers got to the edge
of the world, they used to write...
"Beyond this place
there be dragons."

Taking chances, moving forward... scary stuff. And yet if we remain immobile, unable to move forward (and with no possibility of going back) - then we are stuck. There are dragons everywhere. It takes a bit of bravery to move forward, away from the known... dragons as well.

I took a big, brave step today because I knew if I didn't, I'd never get on down the road. There are stings and I'm sure more dragons ahead, but I am hopeful.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Right now, today...

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." - Buddha

I should write this on my hand and read it every morning. I've been spending too much time dwelling on the past. It's difficult not to swing the gun around and aim for the future. Make plans... that's what I tell myself. But to concentrate on the present moment, that is not so easy. I am impatient. The here-and-now is not happy. Instead, it is merely going through the motions and marking another day off the calendar.

So... how do I make this day, this present moment, what I want it to be? Okay, first the question "What do I want on this day?" There's a saying, "If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there."

I don't know. As soon as I figure this out, I'll get back to you.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Looking forward... to?

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."  
~ Lao Tzu

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Not yet

I know I should donate the contents of this closet. That is what my head tells me, but my heart... my heart will break again if I go through theses clothes, folding each sweater or shirt and placing it into a box. Others have offered to do this for me when I am ready and I may have to accept. There is no rush, I don't need the space; it's just that they are fine clothes and there are those who are in need.

I wonder if there is a tiny part of the grieving heart that believes everything should stay exactly as it was, just in case...

Yes, I should fold these clothes and give them away, but not just yet...

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Laissez les bons temps rouler!

I bought this mask in New Orleans several years ago, but I've never been there for the Mardi Gras celebration. NO is such a unique city and I'm glad they are finally getting back to near-normal. Hopefully, some areas will be/have been re-built better than they were before the hurricane.

I treasure this mask but I have to keep it on a very high shelf, because my cat Sofia loves to eat feathers. It reminds me of fun times in the city... if you go, be sure to try the crawfish etouffee and beignets... not necessarily together.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

reluctant hearts


tell me a story...

of candy hearts
and silly cards
a romantic dinner for two.
with candlelight
and red, red wine
and a loving kiss from you.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

a white diversion

I love the eerie quiet that snow brings... as if time has stopped and there is only this moment.

Snowfall in the South - I think I've mentioned it before - everything stops and we all ooh-and-ahhh at the snow-covered lawns and trees. We have the luxury of this because it only lasts a day or two so we aren't faced with going about our daily routines. Everything is closed and we all have food in the house because as soon as the weather forecasters mention the possibility of snow, everyone dashes out to the food store for (I kid you not) milk, bread and orange juice. People also head for the hardware stores to buy sleds. hehehe... I have a toboggan in my basement that has never been used. It's a smart business man who buys a few of these in the off-season just for this day.

It's beginning to melt now and will most likely all be gone in a day or two and normalcy will resume. In the meantime though, it's pretty to look at... from a warm vantage point indoors. I'd love to get a picture of my house in the snow, but I can't venture out with my foot still in a surgical boot. Oh well...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

No hearts please

Here we are again at Valentine's Day... I had planned to send Hearty cards to my single girlfriends. Then I changed my mind - I will not buy into this notion that we are nothing if we do not receive cards, flowers and/or candy on V-Day. Fuck cupid! Fuck love!

Tuesday, February 09, 2010


I dreamt I was searching for a flower, a very rare flower. At first I was in South America, asking everyone if they had seen this flower. "I think it's in the rainforest." I would add. No one could help me. I went to book stores and searched through horticulture books - nothing. At the end of the dream I was in Cuba... still looking for the flower. I thought the name of the flower was "verve" and it looked like the lotus.

I have no idea what all that means... if anything. But it was so vivid; it seems as though I am often looking for something in my dreams. That makes sense I suppose. South America? Cuba? I have been thinking about travel plans lately, but not to either of those places. I would love to visit Cuba, if I was allowed. The lotus? I don't know... Verve? I have no idea where that came from.

Dream Interpretation - don't try this at home. ;-)

Sunday, February 07, 2010


Only when I wake up in the morning
am I angry.
Only when I fall asleep at night
am I sad.
Only in my dreams
is everything as it should be.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

faith or confidence?

I had a discussion with a friend not too long ago about faith vs confidence. I think it started over a comment about having the faith to know you can do something that may seemingly be out of your reach. My argument was that faith is believing in what you cannot see, what cannot be proven; that confidence is what makes you believe you can climb that mountain or write that book or build that building. His argument was that "you have to have faith in your abilities".

What is your definition of faith?

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Red Shouldered Hawk

As I sat at my desk, I saw the hawk swoop down through the trees. He was on the other side of the creek... too far away for my camera. A few minutes later he landed on a tree limb much closer to the house. I picked up the D300, which had the telephoto lens already attached, and found him feeding on what appeared to be a small mouse. He stayed for quite a while, even turned to give me a view of the feathers on his back.

So I got off a few shots... I must clean my windows one of these days.

Monday, February 01, 2010

when was the last time...


you colored with crayons?
took a nap?
flew a kite?
roasted marshmallows on a fire?
made a fort with boxes and blankets?
ran so fast you thought your legs would fall off?
jumped in a puddle?
knelt by your bed to say your prayers?
took a bubble bath?
played tic-tac-toe?
blew bubbles?
wished upon a star?