Crazy Dreams

I had strange and crazy dreams last night. Someone broke my heart, another stole from me and I was lost in a parking garage. But... I could pick up my car (a Lincoln Continental - have never owned one but I'm reading the second 'Lincoln Lawyer' novel). This morning I asked myself why everyone was so mean to me. The answer? Because I let them. As true in my real life as in my dreams.

Well - no more. I've already begun erasing people who have a very peculiar way of showing that they care about me. And don't get me started on the passive-aggressives...

So - treat me right or I'll throw a car at ya! ;-)

If you don't know it's missing, is it really lost?

I accidentally found two to-do lists today. I say "accidentally" because they were inside a notebook and I need a notebook tomorrow and... there they were.

One was a list of things that need to be done in/around the house. Half had been completed (Yay me!!). The other list appears to be New Years resolutions. *sigh* I think it must have been from 2010, because I'm quite sure I didn't make the perfunctory gesture this year.

Now - on the latter list, I have at least made some progress on all but one of the "promises". So... I'm not feeling completely disappointed in myself. And I am going to keep the lists in sight and hopefully they won't get buried or filed away somewhere again.

Ahhhh... birthdays, a good time to reflect and make any necessary course corrections.

Time

I tried for two days to write about time. All of the clichés came to mind. It doesn't heal all wounds and it never stands still. You can't hate it or love it - it just is.

"Clocks slay time... time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life."

William Faulkner

Reading my mind or Minding my reading

I realized an odd fact this evening: Since I have had my Kindle (about three years), I have only purchased one non-fiction book (thirty have been fiction). When I was buying "real" books, my ratio was probably closer to one in four being non-fiction.

Why the change, I wonder? When I used to frequent Barnes & Noble all the time, I went straight for the new releases display and browsed the selections. Occasionally, I would have a title in mind... something recommended by someone. But usually, I chose a new book based on seeing it, holding it, reading the synopsis on the back (or inside) cover.

Now, when I am ready for a new book, I browse Amazon.com or go with a reference from a friend or (in tonight's case) I see an interview with the author and decide to take a look ("Send a Sample" in Kindle-ese). And when I browse Amazon, I usually filter out the non-fiction, though I have no reason why.

Apparently, our tastes and preferences change - imperceptably, it seems.

Note: This is a photo of my book list on my phone, not of my Kindle.

Words fail me

Have I lost my rhyme?

In the learning to be alone,

Do I still hear the cadence?

Do I still feel the words?

In their absence, do I ramble?

And say nothing?

The sweet poetry has become a stranger.

I once felt it as a comforting quilt.

Making sense, it flowed from my soul.

Images became words and words became dreams.

I took them for granted, perhaps.

And one day, as the sun set, they left me.

Long ago and far away...

I cannot believe that today is the anniversary of the first moon landing and I have heard nothing mentioned anywhere. Not even a Google-Doodle! Patooey! on Google.

I worked for a Nasa sub-contractor in the Flight Crew Training Building during the later Apollo missions, but my husband worked there from Apollo 8 (I think) onward. It was an extraordinary place to be at that time. Not only was it exciting to work side-by-side with the astronauts, but to also see the VIP visitors who came through the building for a tour.

There is a photo of me talking to Jim Lovell somewhere in this house, but I haven't been able to find it. The only photo of me ever taken with a Hasselblad. :)

This is a photo of a photo taken by Neil Armstrong on July 20, 1969.

Stung

I received a mean email last night, which only proves the wisdom of my decision to cut this person out of my life. When someone tries so hard to hurt your feelings, it makes you see how toxic they really are. I think he measured his words very carefully, for maximum stinging power. 

I am usually a pretty good judge of character. Most of the time my first impressions are accurate. This one got past my radar... lesson learned - require references.

Redux - Primate Style

I'm very excited about the new Planet of the Apes movie. When the first one came out, I went to see it, if not quite under protest, at least with an attitude of "I'm not going to like this one bit."

In those days we went to the movies regularly with another couple. We took turns choosing the movie, in an informal "I chose last time - it's your turn this week" manner. So, when someone else made "The Planet of the Apes" their choice, I was prepared to be bored and intellectually insulted. (I have to laugh at myself sometimes.) But it was true... I was haughtily, begrudgedly there for a movie about apes, for god's sake. (rolls eyes)

When the movie ended and the lights in the theater came up, there was a huge smile on my face. "That was fun!" 

In Memoriam

I learned yesterday that my first boyfriend has passed away. I don't know what happened, the obituary said that his death was "unexpected". We had not kept in touch over the years, so my memories of him are still those of teenager. A couple of months ago, I came across a slide that my dad had taken as we were leaving for the prom. I've processed it to protect his privacy - but believe me when I say... we were oh so young!

It occured to me that my first love and my last love have both preceded me in death. And that the statistic that men die younger than women is probably true. My heart goes out to his widow, because I know too well the emptiness and heartache that she is now facing.

Rest in Peace E.C. 

And Gary, I miss you every day.

Shelter

It began to storm while I was out today. Luckily, I had finished my errands and was on my way home. It was a welcome rain, both refreshing and cooling - if only slightly.

The rain makes everything clean again... the air, the pavement, the leaves and the grass. It isn't magic of course, but just for a moment it feels that way.

Guilty or Not

I was just thinking... someone ought to write a "Verdict" software program. Plug in all of the details: the crime, evidence, witness statements, expert testimony, yada-yada-yada and bingo! Out pops the verdict.

No more emotions being displayed for the benefit of the jury, no more objections, sidebars or motions. No more lawyers. Easy-peasy.

Now, about that pesky 6th ammendent. Hmmmm...

Beeing

Sometimes, when editing a photo, something will be just "not quite right" but I can't quite put my finger on it. If I flip the image upside down, I can see the colors, shadows, highlights, lines, curves, etc. without the interruption of the subject/scene. It is especially useful for seeing something that might be distracting my eye, though in the right-side-up image, it was not as obvious. 

If we could only do this with people... who may seem to be one thing and yet there is some nagging doubt or suspicion about their true intentions and/or actions. Just a thought...