the everyday

The getting through, the moving forward... the secret is in the everyday details. Take one thing, then another, and so the days and weeks pass. It will soon be summer - hard to believe that.

gratitude

I remember the day we got the diagnosis. We left the doctor's office and headed for the pharmacy - to get more pain meds. We were in shock, but you keep doing normal stuff even though you are in shock. You drive and chat and then you have to call your son and tell him. Then it is real and the future seems hopeless and frightening.

And it has been all of that.

Things like receiving this certificate bring the reality into sharp, painful focus. He would be proud of this.

staying for a while

I just liked the lines (obviously) and the easy feel... comfortable; hanging my shirt on the back of chair and relaxing for a few days.

lipstick red

On our anniversary
There'll be someone else where you used to be
The world don't care and yet it clings to me
And the moon is gold and silvery

Who knows where the sidewalk ends
Well, the road will turn and the road will bend
They always say he marks the sparrow's fall
How can anyone believe it all?

Well, the band has stopped playing but we keep dancing
The world keeps turning, the world keeps turning
On his hand he wore the ring of another
And the world keeps turning, the world keeps turning

We broke the bank and we tore up the place
And we disappeared oh without a trace
Now the sun it falls into the sea
And around the only one for me

I was so green and the dress you wore was yellow
And the world keeps turning, the world keeps turning
The sun is down and the moon is in the meadow
And the world keeps turning, the world keeps turning

Put a hat on your head
Will you paint the whole damned town red with me?

Well, the band has stopped playing but we keep dancing
The world keeps turning, the world keeps turning
On his hand he wore the ring of another
The world keeps turning, the world keeps turning

The world keeps turning, the world keeps turning
The world keeps turning, the world keeps turning

caught

some days feel like this
tangled up, unable to break free.

this guy didn't escape
but I will

color me

color me... what?
confused? bewildered?

They say that you should not make big decisions during this time.... for how long?

It seems as though any decision is difficult these days. I need advice and I don't seem to have the person in my life with the right balance of attachment and detachment.

comfort

a khaki shirt, an Army shirt
comforting to touch

support

support... I am grateful.

for those who call
and those who write
and those who come by to watch a movie or take me out to dinner
and those who lift my spirits just by being their funny selves
and those who say a prayer

because I need them all.

Skies of Blue

"I see skies of blue..... clouds of white
Bright blessed days....dark sacred nights
And I think to myself ....."

And I think to myself .....

I am not seeing a wonderful world just yet.
I know I am blessed with many things.
I know that we should not curse a day that does not bring us to our knees in pain or sorrow.
I know that... I have had that day.
And so, I am just looking at the blue skies.

Beloved

the rose's name is Beloved
today is my son's birthday and it seemed appropriate

he is an amazing man and a tremendous support to me
I tell him as often as possible that I love him

held together

with nuts & bolts, glue or tape
whatever it takes
to remain in one piece
aligned and functioning

making plans...

sunny beaches
fruity drinks
tropical breezes

Focus

on one thing at a time...
maybe repairing a rift
or renewing a friendship
or learning to just breathe again.

Saving my place,

so I can pick up where I left off.

Roses climbing on a stone wall

Roses climbing on a stone wall
content in the sun
refreshed by the rain
on a Saturday morning in May.

Having discovered these blooms
shared their color and scent
I promise, I promise
I will not be sad today.

not so clear

I am having a hard time pointing this book in a direction where I feel comfortable.

This has been a rough week... some of it not of my doing and some parts I most definitely brought on myself. Sometimes we make decisions that we think are going to make us feel better, move us forward... and sometimes that relief is short-lived. Then, maybe we over-correct and that exacerbates the whole feeling-bad thing, because we're not just back where we started, we're even further back or deeper down, if you will, because we screwed up. What to do? I have realized that although people say "Time will heal" and "Things will get better", it will not happen merely with the passage of days and weeks. I know... I've tried just letting time pass over me. It doesn't work. Action must be taken. Even if mistakes are made.

rocks, on the

and so the story goes...
that in the end, the rocks became a wall instead of a foundation.

color!

pure decadence... being pampered, buffed and polished.

today I chose... "You're Such a Kabuki Queen"

RDA

of going-through-the-motions

Yep... I'm putting one foot in front of the other

taking one day at a time

familiar things bring comfort.

soon

soon, very soon....

phase 1: poolside, waiting for the heat of summer
phase 2: beach-bound, white sand, good books, lazy days

My Still Life

I began 2009 alone, a widow. On January 1st, I could not imagine how I was going to get through the days and nights. There are still nights when I walk down the hall towards my bed and think...
"Well, there's another fucking day that I survived".

Life goes on and nothing endures... nothing.


The Time of Your Life

rain

tell me a story...

of warm rainy nights and distant thunder
of lying perfectly still on top of the sheets
as the night air moves across suntanned skin

then sleep comes and dreams swirl