paid in full

I've paid the price to be here and I'm not going to delete myself. I would be happy to share the ride with you...

Mission Nombre de Dios

A new day begins...

in dreams

I walk with you...

colors of spring

What could be better?
One month until the strawberries are ready for picking...
Two months til the pool opens for the summer...

private

she pulled the robe around her shoulders
seeking protection
from those
who meant no harm

seduction

who's gonna break my fall?

Who's gonna break my fall
When the spinning starts
The colors bleed together and fade
Was it ever there at all
Or have I lost my way
The path of least resistance
Is catching up with me again today

~ "Again Today", Brandi Carlile

are you there?

tell me a story...
of removing obstacles,one at a time
of crossing oceans, in sailing ships
to find the one, who fits so well

are you there?

only you

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” ~C.S. Lewis

Friends
well-meaning
disbelieving
armour in place

only you know your heart

serendipity

I was looking for.... no, I was not looking for anything. I was floating along... in the dark, towards nothing in particular.

I looked up and there... was light, hope, love.

delicate

You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house--, and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me.
Streets that I chanced upon,--
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and, startled,
gave back my too-sudden image. Who knows?
perhaps the same bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, seperate, in the evening...

from "You Who Never Arrived", Ranier Maria Rilke

watching her

What grief counselors tell you:

"It's okay to cry."... I knew that.
"No one can take my grief away."... I knew that.
"Everyone grieves in their own way."... I knew that.
"There are stages of grief."... okay, if you say so.

It all feels the same to me.

It feels heavy. It feels as though I have been set adrift.
I'm not drowning, just drifting further away from what I knew as safe and comfortable.

The dance that was my life has stopped. The days and nights pass... and the calendar pages turn, but I do not own this new life.

What has the cardinal to do with all of this? I am not a bird expert, but I have observed that the male cardinal is never far away from his mate. He watches as she feeds, usually going in to the feeder in advance... making sure all is safe before he calls to her.